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De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less

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Review

“When faced with someone’s anger, we’re inclined to react emotionally to the words hurled at us, responding with silence or more words hurled the other way. Neither tactic works to bring understanding or peace. Douglas Noll encourages us to ignore the words and work with the emotion to “de-escalate” the destructive passion in just a few minutes. This book is written so the reader can learn to work with understanding behind the anger by ignoring the words and focusing on the emotions and reflecting them back. I’ll be recommending this book to clients with troublesome teens.” (Dr. Georgina Cannon, author of The Third Circle Protocol: How to relate to yourself and others in a healthy, vibrant, evolving way, Always and All-ways)“The skills and techniques taught in this book and used by Douglas Noll and his colleague Laurel Kaufer, have been instrumental in transforming the lives of hundreds of female inmates in California prisons. These skills have demonstrated that when utilized as they have been taught, that they will help anyone de-escalate any argument, fight, or disagreement. I have observed the effects and benefit of using these skills within our programs. The end result was the ability to obtain resolution to many issues and bring about peace within the prisons in which they do this powerful work.” (Velda Dobson-Davis, retired Chief Deputy Warden, California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation)"De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds is based, in part, on the pioneering work in listening skills by Robert Bolton, the recent advances in understanding neuroscience, and the work that Doug Noll and I have been doing in California prisons since 2010. This book explains the skills we teach, why they work, and provides concrete examples for de-escalating highly emotional people. We have seen these skills tested over and over again in many workshops and they work! Whether you are dealing with an upset child or a politically polarized family member, using these skills can keep you centered, in control, and help you move through conflict productively." (Laurel G. Kaufer, Esq., cofounder of Prison of Peace)"Doug Noll is one of the foremost thinkers, teachers, and practitioners of conflict resolution and mediation. We’ve taught together for more than a decade, and I’m still learning as I watch him transform skeptical mediators, judges, and law students into conflict de-escalators. He quickly trains hard-boiled lawyers to affect label unsuspecting dinner waiters and Starbucks baristas to their amazement. They return the next day full of successful stories of developing deeper, empathic connections in seconds. In De-Escalate, Doug makes that research and practice-driven insight real through hopeful stories from the most hardened criminals. As usual, Doug spells it out so that you can de-escalate parents, supervisors, teachers, and other disputants immediately. Do yourself a favor—read the whole book. It will be another effective tool in resolving conflict." (Don Philbin, mediator, adjunct professor, creator of Picture It Settled, and curator of ADRtoolbox.com)"De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less is a ground-breaking new book on truly effective listening. Doug Noll teaches us to ignore the words of an angry person and focus only on the emotions. Using techniques that have been shown by neuroscience to quiet the emotional centers of the brain, he can teach anyone how to manage strong, angry emotions while remaining calm. Anyone can benefit from this book and Noll’s ideas. Strongly recommended." (Eric Galton, professional mediator, Austin, TX)"Doug Noll’s latest book, De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less, is an extremely valuable addition to the conflict resolution and peacemaking literature. Doug builds on the current knowledge and literature in the field and adds to it by revealing skills developed through his years of experience as a mediator and peacemaker. His additions are grounded in neuroscience and refined in the Prison of Peace project. Just as he and his colleague Laurel Kaufer have trained hundreds of inmates in California prisons to be peacemakers and mediators, he now is making these valuable ideas and skills available to you, the reader. You can learn how to respond to any provocation calmly and compassionately. Follow his simple, elegant, counterintuitive steps and you will transform your life and the lives of those around you." (Ron Claassen, MDiv, DMin, professor emeritus (peacemaking and conflict resolution) and coauthor of Discipline That Restores and Making Things Right)

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About the Author

Douglas E. Noll, JD, MA left a successful career as a lawyer to become a peacemaker. He is an award-winning author, teacher, trainer, highly experienced mediator, and co-founder of the Prison of Peace project. This has been the most profound peace training Douglas has conducted thus far in his career. Inmates who have gone through his program have learned and applied deep, empathic listening skills, leadership skills, and problem-solving skills to reduce violence in their prison communities. To learn more about Douglas visit him at DouglasNoll.com.

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Product details

Paperback: 256 pages

Publisher: Atria Books/Beyond Words (September 12, 2017)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 9781582706559

ISBN-13: 978-1582706559

ASIN: 1582706557

Product Dimensions:

5.5 x 0.8 x 8.4 inches

Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review:

4.5 out of 5 stars

52 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#174,707 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Got my copy today and this book exceeds every expectation I had for it. I so wish I'd had it for my 30 plus years as a teacher, school counselor and Marriage and Family counselor. It summarizes every effective technique I spent years studying and using. Should be in every school and home! Truly works with brain chemistry to calm the anger and switch on the peaceful solutions part of the brain...

I am a lawyer and a mediator , with almost 40 years in the practice field . I can tell you that this book will be a recommended piece in my work . You can find simple, real , and useful típs and techniques to use with parties and clients . Just the alert of psychological invalitation and emotional recognition and how to do it, make me say this book must be used in every mediation and mediation trainning!Good for Doug and more good for his work helping hopeless people to find ways to make their lives better

This taught me some de-escalation techniques I wasn't aware of and also made me cognizant of my own shortcomings as a communicator. I didn't know that people must be able to name their emotions before they can turn off their "anger switch", and that some people are incapable of naming emotions because they weren't taught to as children (cough cough TOXIC MASCULINITY FTW) and are therefore purely reactive. I've used this on my kids and also on some complete strange kids who were about to get into a fight. Haven't tried it in any political arguments, LOL. This book has also completely shown me how arguments on Facebook will never come to any good, because people can't turn off that anger switch in an online forum as easily.

I liked this book. It was clear and offered help on how to communicate with angry, upset and emotional people. When emotions are high and someone feel strongly, the verbal communications tend to be challenging. This book offers a way to continue verbally communicating and de-escalate emotions and get to the solutionizing. The book gives you a method or a tool to use. It's not the end all fix for communications, but it's a way to help. How do you know if a tool will help or not unless you try it out?

This is the most amazing book!!! Incredible tools that are life savers. I can't imagine not having these tools! Before reading this book and practicing these tools conflict was something that I ran from and would have huge anxiety around. Now every interaction is easy, safe, and empowering. This is a must have for all humans. Relationship life saver. MUST read if you want peace and are tired of anxiety and stress.

This book helped me increase my awareness, and use simple steps/responses to be able to handle conflict/ emotional confrontations. Simple guide that everyone can and would use as a life skill with family, friends and strangers.Real world stuff that you are practicing after only a few pages and wanting more.Hats off to Doug for dedicating his time to those in most need, at the prison and those not at peace.I also read his book Elusive Peace, so relative to today’s need in politics and life.... taking the time to build the relationship to gain trust so peace has a chance. Should be reading for every child or American. Thank you.

As a Licensed Professional Counselor with over 30 years of experience I highly recommend this book. I have found the information logical and easily practiced. I even used the suggestions when speaking with my sister and had the exact response that was implied in the book. It has excellent suggestions for parents as well as educators.

Since I started reading this book, I try to use every advice given by the author. So far, it seems to work pretty well. You have to take the habit and to change your ways. Not always easy if you are easily upset when people around you are angry.The book could be shorter however. At some point, it gets repetitive.

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De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less PDF

De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less PDF

De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less PDF

De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less PDF